Now where do I begin?! The last time I wrote about the pregnancy journey, I had just found out about my pregnancy. I do want to point out NO ONE prepared me for the glucose test or the three hour one. The forgetting about the “fun” parts of pregnancy is real for many I see, but to kind of give a summary of my journey, I truly had an amazing pregnancy. One that taught me to face my fears head on. Pregnancy showed me how strong I truly am. Looking back on my pregnancy journey, I can confidently say that I would do it again. Maybe just one more time. If the universe allows. I look back on finding out the gender of my baby and feeling all the emotions. The happiness of knowing who was in my belly, the excitement of all of the clothes and toys and books I would be able to buy, the nursery taking on a sports theme, and also the sadness of not knowing anything about boys or the feeling of not knowing if I was going to be a good mom like my mom is to me. It all became so real, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now back to labor and delivery. The day I went to the hospital I hadn’t felt any discomfort but as in true white coat syndrome fashion my blood pressure was slightly high due to the nerves of it all happening and being in the hospital. Little did I know how quickly everything would end up happening and all the emotions the come with it.
Once admitted into the hospital and in my room, I couldn’t believe that in matter of maybe minutes, hours, or days, I would be holding my soon to be child in my arms. I, along my husband, becoming first time parents and hoping to be good parents to our son. As I kept being told in the hospital, as a first-time mom the labor part could take a long time. I took everything with a grain of salt as I knew everyone is different and my body and my baby would ultimately make the decision of when it would all start. I was induced the day after I was admitted into the hospital, and it didn’t take more than 10 minutes on Pitocin for my water to break, and then I dilated from a 4 to a 10 in 30 minutes. As you can imagine, the epidural had no time to start working and I felt everything. They really are not lying when they it is entirely a labor of love. Painful, tiring, with a very high reward. I did not expect for my delivery to be very fast, and I know the doctors did not expect it either.
As soon as my son was in my arms, all the pain and nerves left my body and there was just complete and total relief. Relief that it was over, that it went by fast, that my son was healthy, and that I had survived and was healthy as well. I remember being asked what is one thing I wanted to teach my son and only one thing came to mind which is the very thing I worked on throughout my entire pregnancy journey. I want to be able to show him by example that it’s okay to feel fear but don’t ever let fear be the only reason he doesn’t do something.
I remember feeling so scared when I saw that positive pregnancy test. Scared of what pregnancy would be like, scared of the bloodwork, scared of the unknown, scared of the delivery; however, throughout the entire journey, I proved to myself that I am much stronger and braver than I ever gave myself credit. I went through each stage of pregnancy reminding myself that I can do this. Because even though I was scared, I still did it anyway. While I was holding my son for the very first time, I remember turning to face my mom and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are not brave, strong, or courageous because you are so strong, so brave, and so courageous, and I am so beyond proud of you.” To any new mothers or experienced mothers reading this, I just want to say that I am so proud of you too!
Sincerely,
Mama Bird